Kim Kardashian: what fairytale?

A made-for-TV "fairytale" gone horribly wrong.

Unless you have been living under a particularly large and sound-proof rock, you would know that last week reality mega-star Kim Kardashian filed for divorce from her husband of 72 days, Kris Humphries. The news caused a media frenzy that overshadowed virtually everything else going on in the world- why this particular event was so newsworthy is another story in itself.
Bloggers and columnists around the world quickly jumped on the story, attempting to evoke some kind of lesson in morality from K and K’s demise.
As someone who watches the Kardashian family’s adventures with a kind of morbid, appalled fascination, I wasn’t the least bit surprised at the break up. Kim may be 31 but her behaviour, as well as that of her sisters and mother, is more like that of a spoilt 15 year old who expects the world to revolve around her every whim and wish.
The way the Kardashian women treat their male partners is appalling. It is like they have taken everything negative about traditional male/female relationships and adopted it as their own. Their partners are belittled, emasculated and ridiculed. Their needs are ignored. They are treated as a means to an end and as little more than a piece of furniture in the women’s impossibly “me”-oriented lives.

Is it not Kim AND Kris who are engaged?

The Kardashian women, from 13 year old Kylie to 50-something family “momager” Kris, treat their partners with at best, disdain, and at worst, open contempt. Men are treated as merely accoutrement to the Kardashian women’s “perfect life”, and are openly chastised when they dare not toe the party line.
Perhaps this is an unfair assessment. Perhaps things are different when the cameras are off and doors are closed. But if we really do have full access to the Kardashian’s family’s lives, as they assure us we do, then it is fair to say that the value system they display in relation to their relationships with men is truly alarming.
In Kim and Kris (H’s) wedding preparations, the couple is shown picking out china, flowers and cakes. Kris H is reprimanded when he contributes his opinions and it is clear that this wedding has nothing to do with him at all- it is all about Kim. When she tells him she has been planning her big day since she was 10, Kris makes the point any man could be slotted in to Kim’s wedding fantasy. It’s not about the marriage, or the partnership. It is not about Kim and Kris building a life together. It’s all about the princess wedding: the ultimate ego-driven event that is central to any woman’s identity… or so reality TV would have you believe.

The Kardashian women and their matriarch "momager" Kris.

Well, here is a novel thought. When two people get married, TWO PEOPLE are involved in the wedding. A wedding is not simply a day for a girl to be a princess. A wedding is not “all about the bride”. There are two people saying their vows in front of a whole group of friends and family who, like it or not, are also invested in that couple.
The reality TV genre and its plethora of bride and wedding-related shows convincingly sends the message that marriage is all about a wedding, a giant rock and a fluffy white dress.  So what happens in the real world when all of the wedding stuff is stripped back and you are left with two people who have signed a contract to literally spend the rest of their lives together?
If I can glean any “lesson” from K and K’s quick and brutal demise, it is that all the money in the world is not enough to instil a down-to-earth value system that you can draw on when things go wrong in your life. While the Kardashians regularly reference their belief in God and talk about the importance of family, it seems they are missing a crucial set of values and beliefs that would have enabled Kim to have the self-knowledge and self-belief to avoid this whole mess in the first place.
In a statement posted on her blog, Kim confessed that the marriage “didn’t turn out to be the fairy tale I had so badly hoped for”. Exactly what she meant by “fairytale” is not specified, but it is sad to think that in 2011, when women (at least those in the western world) have every opportunity available to them, they are still waiting for their prince charming to come along, throw a massive diamond on their finger and save them from a life of spinsterhood.
Guess what? There is an even BETTER fairytale available to women now- one in which your relationship is based on mutual respect, shared values, fun, adventure, equality, love and laughter. One in which a wedding is far less important than the many conversations you have with each other about your dreams for the future, the kind of life you hope to build and the things you cherish about each other.
The reality TV genre would have you believe that relationships are all about material things- grand gestures, jewelry, flowers and gifts as affirmation of the worthiness of a relationship and the amount of love contained within it.
Real life however shows us that no matter how beautiful the wedding, no matter how big the ring, no matter how lavish the gifts, it is in the minutiae of everyday life that you prove your love and commitment to your partner. Buying their favorite ice cream flavour, making them breakfast in bed, sending them a nice text while they are at work, leaving a note on their pillow in the morning; those are the little things that demonstrate your commitment and love day in, day out.
Kim Kardashian had a beautiful wedding. Her ring was enviably large. Sadly, when it comes to relationships, bigger is not necessarily better. In fact, it’s the smallest things that make the real difference, that signify real commitment.
These truisms have been lost in the vast cesspool of reality TV and we would do well not to forget them- no matter how blinded we may be by the promise of prince charming, sparkly diamonds and acres of white wedding tulle.